Book Review: "Harry Potter and the Cursed Child" by John Tiffany and Jack Thorne ~ The Dorky Writer

Previously posted on Goodreads!¹

This is one of the worst book reviews I've made... and I'm completely broken about it. I must say though, that I wasn't expecting to enjoy it as much because of the way it's written (I'm no fan of written plays) and because Rowling didn't write this all by herself. But Harry Potter is Harry Potter and Rowling approved, right? So, of course, I had to read it.

Plays are written in a way that if you don't go see it, you can imagine how the stage looks because of the descriptions; the characters have long speeches because of the same reason, they need to show their emotions through them and explain things that we, as readers, can't understand without a narrator. As I said, I'm not into reading plays, but I found this one lacking a lot of play structure.

The pace of the book was OK, I suppose. They gave enough background to show us how Albus didn't feel comfortable with being Harry Potter's son. Harry is a celebrity and, as in real life, a child of a celebrity can't cope with this kind of life, but in Harry Potter's arc... this wasn't exactly expected. I mean, didn't Harry and Albus feel comfortable around each other at the end of Deathly Hallows? They looked so confident between them, Harry even shared one of his biggest secrets to him, showing us a very nice relationship between a father and son, and then all of that just ~~*writers saying Evanesco*~~ bye-bye?

I didn't buy it.

This story could've been easily saved and just got worse and worse. I didn't find the story original, but I have to accept they picked a good place to return in the Harry Potter saga. Goblet of Fire is the point where a children's book series becomes so dark and cruel that it was nice to revisit, especially because this gives Albus the opportunity to become aware of his father's battle with darkness at the same age. That was a good part, but here's a list of the ~~not bad but ugly~~ parts that made me wanna throw away what I was reading:

I'm a Doctor Who fan, I've seen all the episodes since the Ninth Doctor, therefore I wasn't surprised by how things were happening. I was even expecting Harry's death at some point, and guess who died? And even without Doctor Who, there are a lot, A LOT of movies and TV shows that portray this same plot... I need a rest.
When I was younger and I read Deathly Hallows, I tried to write a fic where Voldemort had a daughter with Bellatrix and that said daughter arrived to Hogwarts looking for revenge. I stopped writing because I found it stupid. Guess what I just read?
WHAT HAVE THEY DONE WITH RON WEASLEY?? I've seen a lot of you complaining about Harry's behavior but I can't agree with you. One of Harry's traits is to be a VERY impulsive character. How many times didn't he say something hurtful? Like in Order of the Phoenix. Ron on the other hand... Oh my God... Did they take inspiration of movie!Ron? Because I only saw him as the comic relief failure. His lines were poor and immature; they tried to make him funny and failed, even in the darkest part of the play!
Rose x Scorpius was so forced! When I read DH and knew Draco had a child, at that moment I shipped him with Rose, of course, but when reading this one... this is more a Scorbus ship and it didn't happen, WT...?
There are a lot of plot holes but the one that matters to me is Sirius Black. I mean, wasn't he in Godric's Hollow with Hagrid? The story was supposed to focus on father figures. We revisited a lot of characters that were important to Harry, like Dumbledore, Snape ~~(and him being all nice, ugh, no)~~, Hagrid, so where the hell was Sirius?
I couldn't get used of the way they addressed to each other. I mean, Malfoy and Harry calling Professor McGonagall "Minerva", Hermione calling Malfoy "Draco"... It was supposed to be something cute, I guess, it just didn't make a click.
Hermione keeping the time turner in her library... Really? Hermione Granger??
I didn't know it was that easy to get to Hogwarts grounds. You should show me your ways, Delphi! ~~Should I forget the little we know about Hogwarts, A History?~~
Ron.
Amos and Cedric Diggory, two of the kindest persons in the wizard story, were transformed into very weak beings, one is a very resentful person, and the other becomes a Death Eater... a DEATH EATER OF ALL THINGS!
I guess is so easy to get Harry, Ron, and Hermione's hair these days for polyjuice potion.
And I better stop now or I'll rewrite the entire play.

In conclusion, I'm sad and angry, but mostly sad. I totally agree that all characters were, in fact, OOC. I understand that they had to be different because they're grownups now, but that doesn't mean is OK to change them completely and transform them into lifeless beings. The only two moments I felt "something" were a mini discussion that Ginny had with Malfoy and the scene between Harry and Dumbledore's portrait. JUST TWO MOMENTS! I guess that's the main reason of my disappointment. I didn't enjoy a thing and while I was reading it I was telling myself "maybe this is a prank, a very good one, but it needs to stop."

Of course, it didn't.

JOHN TIFFANY trained at Glasgow University gaining an MA in Theatre and Classics. He was Literary Director for the Traverse Theatre, Associate Director for Paines Plough and a founding Associate Director for the National Theatre of Scotland. He is currently an Associate Director for the Royal Court Theatre.

JACK THORNE was born in Bristol, England, he has written for radio, theatre and film, most notably on the TV shows Skins, Cast-offs, This Is England '86, This Is England '88, This Is England '90, The Fades, The Last Panthers and the feature film The Scouting Book for Boys. He currently lives in London.

¹This review was written and originally posted on my Goodreads profile in 2016. It might now present minor changes in structure or corrections but has not changed its intention.